He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
