I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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