a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
