Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
