And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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