and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
