walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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