One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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