You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
