Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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