i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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