if you like me you must not know who I am
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
