I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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