maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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