I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
