Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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