yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
