he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
