I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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