I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
They should really pass out barf bags in church
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
