When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
