I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
