one might say we're banned from that church
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
