Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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