My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she smelled like a LAN party
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
