I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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