i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
