I'm lost and stupid without you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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