Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
