You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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