OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
