ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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