remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So many bounce houses so little time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
