And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
