never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
