I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
