I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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