I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My penis needs a shock collar
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
