just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
