I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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