Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
