why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pooping to opera.
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