Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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