I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
