My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
