you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
