On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
