Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
