I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
