Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
