hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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