This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
