Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
