we have pet lesbian snakes
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
