Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
