i already hear my dad disowning me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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