I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's get the cat blown out
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
